i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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