i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
