what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Terrible idea I love it
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
