I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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