Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
