Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
