Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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