brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
