ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
