You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
