if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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