I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
