I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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