went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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