Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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