Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
