So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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