Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
