sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
