I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
