Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
