That's intense
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
