So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
