We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
