I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
