I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
