I heard we made out
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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