I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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