I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
