I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Someone shattered a urinal.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
