when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
