i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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