I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
