I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
