also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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