You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You had me at "let me see your balls"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
