saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
