no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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