I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
