The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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