So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
