Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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