Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
