wanna go halves on a baby?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
