So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
