Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Damn victory sex feels great
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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