We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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