First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
