I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
