totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
